OH MY GOSH! I feel like I have relearned how to show up in my life each and every day! I just finished the book Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE and have so much new insight to talk about with you!
From my perspective, the meaning behind this amazing book is to help guide parents, and humans, to more elegantly approach conversations, parenting, disagreements, and management of day to day activities with greater understanding and better outcomes through mindfulness, kindness, and compassion. Clarke-Fields wrote this book with the target audience to be for parents raising children, but as I read more and more of the book I quickly realized every one of the topics she covers can be applied in all aspects of human lives.
The big message!!!
Parenting, adulting, and having relationships are not easy, BUT by approaching every interaction with mindfulness, presence, and compassion the outcomes can be more aligned to the root of the reason the interaction began in the first place!
It is very easy to be caught in a reactive mindset, in fact 98% of humans live in their survival mode. Our survival mode is living in fight or flight. We either fight back or we avoid the confrontation for whatever the situation might be and we avoid, run or hide. You might notice the next time you have a conversation, if it hasn't already dawned on you, that when someone is talking to you about something you have an opinion on or don't agree with you immediately start to defend yourself, or put out your thought, or maybe you do the opposite and think to yourself "you are wrong" "i don't agree" and end the conversation by hiding your different perspective completely. Learning to not react and truly listen, digest and then respond creates for calmer, deeper conversation that finds the deeper meaning behind the start of the conversation.
Setting routines and sticking to them. Maybe daily, or maybe weekly, routines are the best way to fill your cup up each day.
Limiting activities so you are more present. Being Present, Actually present in the moments. Recognizing each of your senses in the moments. Showing the other party you are here with them, you are listening, you are focused on them.
Using the I - message approach! Instead of placing blame on the other party by saying "You hurt me when you left your shoes in the middle of the hallway, causing me to trip." Try saying " I hurt myself when I tripped, It makes me feel more safe when I know there is a clear hallway that I can walk down." You are creating a conversation that is more receptive instead of placing blame on them for making you trip by explaining that when the walkway is clear it is safer not just for you but in general.
Each of those possibilities above begin with reprogramming your subconscious mind into a more positive, aligned mindset. Part of getting into a better space with yourself is acknowledging your triggers, dissecting why they are happening, what caused them to begin, and how you are going to reprogram your mind to alter that trigger into a better approach. Everything begins with YOU!
If you are looking to find ways to have conversations with others or how to communicate with your children with less friction and tantrums I highly recommend you begin by reading Raising Good Humans.
~In my daily routine I have already began noticing the positive effects on being more present, actually listening to the ENTIRE meaning of a conversation before responding, and practicing using the I-message approach. Not only am I happier, feeling less frustration, and enjoying more of those tiny moments throughout the day, but I am noticing the positive effects on others around me as they are feeling more heard and learning the environment around me is a more positive and safe space.
I would love to hear from you now,
Have you read this book?
What was your favorite takeaway?
What method do you find works well for you?
When you try responding instead of reacting what benefits are you experiencing?
Have you found any other techniques or strategies that work well for your family?
Leave your comments below! Let's Chat!